Firstly, she said an amnio isn't necessary. I didn't even get to ask her about it, she just knew I was going to. Secondly, she said she talked to my other doctor, the one that does all the scanning and knows more about the development of the babies than anyone. The one that, and I quote, said "if you go into labor, we won't stop you!" Uh huh, LIAR! Anyway, he apparently wants me to get to 36 weeks, and then they'll grant me my Christmas wish. My doctor has to get hospital permission first, but didn't seem worried about that being a problem. So, 36 weeks would be, depending who you ask, either the 26th or 27th. Here's the kicker. She asked me if I'd be okay staying the week, or if I'd rather go home.....
Ideally, I'd love to go home. I hate being alone in this hospital room. The only people I see all day are nurses who are coming in real fast to take my vitals and give me meds, or the food prep people who bring me meals. It's hard to make friends when I lay in bed, practically naked all day. Hehe! Ryan comes, but he drops off that day's requests for stuff I left at home, and then leaves. It's lonely, and quite honestly, I'm getting depressed about it. Next week could not have been a worse week to have babies!!!! Ugh, I know I probably seem so whiny and picky, but seriously, this LAST week, when I was IN labor, would have been ideal. Now I have the biggest holiday of the year to work around.
Here's my beef: We are celebrating Christmas with Jack and Susan on Sunday, since they fly out to South Carolina on Monday. That can easily be had in my hospital room. NO biggie. Christmas with my mom's side of the family (step-siblings, etc, etc) is going to be on the 22nd. I worked really hard on a homemade Christmas gift for my step-sister, and I want to be there to see her open it. But, I guess I can FaceTime in for that one. Granted, it will probably make me cry to be alone in a hospital room, eating hospital food, while my family opens presents and eats mom's amazing food without me.
The REAL issue is celebrating Christmas with Ryan's family on Christmas Day. This is the first Christmas that Lilly has really cared. She knows who Santa is. She is excited to open presents. Oh, and did I mention she has about 2.5 BILLION presents to open? I don't want to miss out. But Lilly isn't allowed in the maternity ward right now. They just changed their visitor policy literally a week ago. No one under the age of 14 is allowed. Great. Now, she's not allowed up here, but I'm allowed out of my room, to wander the hospital as I please. I'm crossing my fingers that maybe we can have a waiting room Christmas with Lilly. I'd probably breakdown crying if I had to miss my last Christmas with just Lilly. FaceTime won't cut it. We could postpone it until after the babies, but that's after New Years. It could work if it was our only choice...
I'm not sure how to celebrate with Ryan's family. It feels very selfish to ask them to all make the hike down here for a waiting room Christmas (assuming that'll even be an option). It's supposed to snow on Christmas Day, and they're really far away. I could FaceTime into that Christmas, I guess. Everyone will most likely come down the next day or two to see the babies. Hmm, I seem to be talking myself through this in real-time on the blog! I just don't want to miss out on all the hard work I've put into making Christmas special for everyone. Trust me, I worked hard. I just hid it well.
Now, you may be wondering why I don't just go home and have one more week of normalcy before the babies. Well, I considered that, too. I'm not here for fun. The hospital food and constantly-changing faces aren't screaming for me to stay. My side pain and contractions are still the real deal. I know I'd get home and have time to maybe change my underwear before declaring it time to head back to the hospital because of the pain. I'm on really intense pain meds that knock me out, so I'd be sleeping all day, despite feeling like I should be helping with Lilly and chores around the house. I'd most likely overdue it and throw myself back into hard labor. The icing on top is that everyone at home is sick. I think Lilly picked up a cold while at school, and it's taken everyone down. That's what I feared most about her starting school. Having to take care of me, and not just themselves, would be too hard. I don't want to get sick either. If anything, I should stay here just to hide. In the end, though, if I stay here through to the 4 days after the babies are born (assuming that's best-case and they don't spend time in the NICU), it will have been over 2 weeks since I've seen Lilly. Ryan says she's not doing well with me being gone. I try to FaceTime her several times a day, but it's not the same. She sees that I'm in a bed, and says "I want to cuddle in that bed with you, mommy." It's breaking my heart!! No one said this would be easy. In fact, they ALL conveniently said it would be the hardest thing ever (I love people's lack of tact sometimes). I just wish it didn't have to affect my sweet family so much.
I guess the best news is DON'T GET ME ANYTHING FOR CHRISTMAS! I'm getting exactly what I wanted! I'm just having to do a little problem-solving first. One more week. I'm hoping we can do this....
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