Natalie & Ryan: The Uterus Who Cried Wolf

Okay, so, where to begin? I worked really hard this past weekend to do the one "job" that Ryan has given me to do. Go into labor. He found a big yoga ball in my mom's basement, and this ball and I have become best friends. Believe it or not, it was quite comfortable to sit on...bouncing on, not so much, but he made me bounce as much as I could tolerate. While we were sitting in bed Sunday night, I told Ryan that I knew I didn't have anything to do the next day, but that I couldn't help but feel like I had something to do. He goes, "yeah, have babies!"

6 am the next morning came rolling around, and I was woken up by an intense pain in my right side. Ryan was up, getting Lilly ready for school, so I decided to get up and help out. Throughout that day, the pain got worse and worse. I started to realize that the tightening and cramping I was feeling were contractions; pretty intense contractions. I tried a hot shower, didn't help. I tried going back to bed; made them worse. So, after calling my doctor, she told me to go into Labor and Delivery.

My "Dry Run #1" companion was my mom. She has been with me every step of the way for all of my pregnancies, so I wouldn't have it any other way. She knows just how to make me laugh over the most inappropriate things! The nurses gave me the most uncomfortable bed in the hospital, hooked me up to an IV because I was pretty dehydrated (I would have killed for a drink, but of course, they said that was a no-no.), and then we sat and watched the roller coaster that my contraction diagram was making on the computer. My nurse checked to see if I was dilated, and while she had her hand half way up a place that many hands don't get to go, she says to me "HOLY COW! YOU HAVE A TINY PELVIS!! It's hurting my hand!" I wasn't dilated, but boy was I sore and slightly amused after that. My other two doctors have told me that. I didn't actually think I could hurt someone with my pelvis!! After an hour or so, they came in to tell me that my doctor just wanted to medicate me and send me home. Ugh. I knew that was going to happen. I was in labor, but the contractions weren't coming close enough together. So, they gave me a shot of morphine in the butt and sent me on my way. The only thing that morphine does to me nowadays is make me tired. The pain only slightly dulled, but I was able to knock out for most of the day. Luckily Ryan was able to come home and watch Lilly.

The next morning at 1 AM, my contractions came back with a vengeance. I tried breathing through them at first, but as they got stronger and stronger, I apparently became louder and louder in my breathing methods, and ended up waking up Ryan. He rubbed my back, talked me through them, and timed them. They were coming anywhere from 3-5 minutes apart, and were lasting a miserable 2-4 minutes. By the time that the decision to go to the hospital was made, I was miserable. I was that typical sobbing hysterical, my-life-is-ending woman. Ryan asked me to compare it to how bad my labor with Easton was, and I told him that I would have asked for an epidural by that point with Easton. It was 3:00 by the time Ryan pulled up to the drop off doors of the hospital, leaving me in the car while he ran inside to hunt down a wheelchair. I ended up having to get out of the car to lean on the door, because I couldn't take sitting anymore. They wheeled me upstairs at mach speed, stripped me of my clothes, put a gown on me, and checked me for dilation. Getting my cervix checked reminded me of that scene in the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie, where they were trying to knock down the city gates with the giant, flaming wolf-like head. Yeah, no amount of bashing was going to get my "gate" to open. It's been proven with past pregnancies that my body doesn't dilate, even when given meds to make me dilate. I contract, but that's about it. As one nurse was taking my vitals, the other nurse at the computer said "she's contracting about every minute or so." They drugged me up, and then left me for a bit. That made me mad. I was contracting, but because my stubborn cervix wasn't dilating, it was like this urgency that everyone had just disappeared, and I actually felt like they didn't care. I had to get two IVs, 3 shots in my arms, one shot in my butt, and then I finally got to talk to the nurse. News was still the same. My doctor just wanted to medicate me and send me home. The 3 shots they gave me in my arm were to stop the labor...for up to 2 weeks! My jaw fell open. That most assuredly pushed us into our undesired January date. The nurse said that if my body truly was in labor, it would push past that medicine, and I'd contract anyway. I had my fingers crossed as they, AGAIN, wheeled me out of the hospital.

At this point, I was starting to feel like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." My mom and Ryan were tired from the early morning runs. Once we got home from the latest Labor and Delivery visit, everyone went back to bed for a few hours, and then tried to go back to life as normal. Lilly was at school, so we had that on our side. At about noon, I started to notice that all the pain meds were wearing off, and I could feel that same, dull cramping and pain starting up again. I thought to myself, "there's no way my body would actually fight the anti-contraction medicine." Every time I got up to go to the bathroom, it was excruciating. I couldn't stand up straight, and I couldn't get a full breath because of the intense pain in my right side. It got to the point of me bawling every time I had to get out of bed. The only position that I found to work enough to make me comfortable enough to stop crying, was laying my head on my pillows and sticking my butt up in the air. Everyone was urging me to go back to the hospital, but I was still so mad about being belittled about my pain, and I even felt a sense of distrust towards my doctor, so I refused. At around 4, Jack and Susan showed up to watch Lilly for us, and my mom "forced" me to go back in. I had been so "comfortable" in my butt-up position, by the time we left the house, I was feeling pretty fine. By the time we got to the hospital, thanks to mom's driving, I was back up at a 10 pain level. I guess it's just movement and discomfort in general that makes the pain flair up. It doesn't take a whole lot.

They put me back in the same crappy bed (I'm more inclined to call it a piece of wood, it was that uncomfortable) and started asking me the same questions, with the same disregard to my feelings as before. I was in so much pain, and also SO angry, I just lost it. I was bawling and complaining about how I didn't understand why my doctor wouldn't just schedule a c-section. Clearly I was in labor. I demanded to actually see a doctor, rather than just being told "I'll go see what she wants to do." Obviously something was wrong, whether it be that I was in labor, or it be my appendix or kidney, clearly manifesting as the pain in my side. This back and forth from the hospital wasn't going to end, until they actually took a little time to SOLVE my problem instead of just putting on a Bandaid.

Unlike the other two times, they made absolutely NO effort to make me comfortable. I felt like they were all about the babies, and they didn't care that I was about to rip off all their monitors and go screaming down the hall, demanding my doctor, because of how much physical and mental agony I was in. All I could keep saying was "I'M DONE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" Trust me, my poor mom had to see a very miserable side of Nanny. I could tell that she felt hopeless. I did too. They finally brought in a doctor (2 hours later), and she discussed trying to figure out what the constant side pain was. First was to get me pain meds. Then we'd evaluate and go from there. Right as they started the ultrasound of my kidney and appendix, Ryan showed up to relieve my poor mom. He would have been there earlier, but I made him stay home and rest, because he had his very own procedure done that evening on both his big toes, and was in his own amount of pain. They couldn't find anything wrong with my kidney (no stones or anything), and since baby girl was hiding my appendix, the game plan changed. The doctor said we could do an MRI right off the bat, but we'd have to call in and wait for the MRI team. I didn't want that option, because I was positive that they were going to send me home, and just waiting around more was not something I wanted to do. Next option was to do a CT scan. It's not as clear as an MRI, but it's better than what the ultrasound could show. She pushed for the third option. That was to have me spend the night, and get the MRI done in the morning. That way they could monitor my pain level, because they knew that if they sent me home, I'd just be back by morning. I didn't want that option either, but agreed to it. Having someone other than my mom take care of me sounded like the only "up" side, since my poor mommy needed a break.

Mom went home, and Ryan accompanied me to my room. I was finally given a "comfortable" bed, more meds, and left alone to talk with Ryan. It was "nice," but we both still had this feeling of "what's happening?" I refused to let Ryan stay in the hospital with me. He was tired from our first run that morning, and he needed to get home to see to his feet. He stayed as long as he could, watching Chopped and playing Scrabble with me. It felt normal for a bit. I don't think the door to my room had even closed after Ryan left, before I fell asleep. I kept waking up and playing on my phone, but was so tired, I would fall asleep before an app even had a chance to open up. Apparently being conscious wasn't a problem, though. I woke up this morning, and realized I had managed to do some sleep-shopping. I purchased some cute shoes, necklaces, and an umbrella from Payless. I thought it was hilarious. Ryan's brother, Christian, sleep-shops too when he's given Ambien, and it just so happens, that's the medication they gave me to help me sleep. Other than my shopping spree, my night was miserable. I had to keep begging for meds, because my right side pain wouldn't go away. I was thirsty, but still on the NPO orders. The babies have always been and continued to be IMPOSSIBLE to get to stay on the monitors. It probably didn't help that I was tossing and turning from being uncomfortable. I had heartburn like no other, and when I asked for medicine, she brought me a shot of the most sour, bitter, disgusting liquid I'd ever had. At about 2 AM, I just said to myself, I don't care anymore. I ripped off the baby monitors, sat my bed up as tall and straight as it could go, and fell asleep while sitting. I woke up several times to find that I had folded in half. It was surprisingly comfortable...and I was shocked I was still flexible enough to fold like that. Oh, and I did discover that I was allowed to have popsicles, so with every short moment of wakefulness, I'd get in a few sucks before falling asleep with them in my hand. I was woken up at 5 by MY doctor, FINALLY! I was kind of out of it, but I do remember that she wanted to see where my right side pain was. She didn't say why, but said that I wouldn't need the CT scan or the MRI, and that she'd like to keep me for a few days for pain management. Ryan and I have NO idea what's going on. How long am I going to be here? Pain management suggests they can get it to go away for longer than a few hours. Every time they send me home, once the drugs wear off, I'm miserable again. Are the babies developed enough to be delivered? Can we do an amniocentesis to check? We have lots of questions.

Even though I've had lots of times of feeling like I've been pushed to my absolute limits, I keep having little moments that keep me going. When they moved me this morning from Labor & Delivery to Anti-partum, they brought me in a bag that had been donated by a community organization. It was a gorgeous bag, full of motivational books, a few kids books for Lilly, some jewelry, picture frames with quotes, and some goodies. It immediately made me cry, because right on the front of the bag was a tag that said "You can do this, trust us!" I know I CAN do it. Heck, I've done worse. I'm finding myself especially thankful for the people gathering around me/us to help in any way they can. My mom has been AMAZING! I feel bad that she has to see me in pain. Ryan has been great with watching Lilly. Our household has a bad head-cold going through it (minus me!), so everyone's a bit down. Jack and Susan have been great, too! I can't wait to say "thank you" by letting them love on some cute babies.

I'll probably be here for a few more days, but hopefully the next update includes the words "c-section," "they're here!," etc, etc.