Best Job Ever

I'm not proud to admit it, but being "just a mother" is something that is a sensitive subject for me. Not a day goes by that I don't feel guilty for not finishing school and not having a job. At times I feel useless and inadequate in what I offer our family. My "job" is being Lilly's mom. I don't bring home an income, I don't contribute to our lives in the way that Ryan does, and sometimes that really bothers me. Don't get me wrong, I know that getting to stay home with Lilly every day is a HUGE blessing; a blessing that not all moms get. I just don't think that being a mother gets the kind of respect that it deserves. Even though I don't get paid, I also don't get holidays off, my boss (Lilly) can be a brat sometimes, and some days I just feel like quitting. It's the hardest job a person can have. At the same time, being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I tell Ryan all the time that I feel like I wasn't cut out for the school and career route, and that being a mom is what Heavenly Father designed me for. I am so blessed to have Lilly. Whenever I think about how amazing she is, I know that she was my promised blessing from the Lord for placing Easton for adoption. She is a big ball of perfection! P.S. Yesterday was Birthmother's Day. Today I'm celebrating being Lilly's mom, but I will never forget the first little boy who stole my heart.

On the flip-side, today I am thankful for the mothers in my life. The ones that, at times, may have probably had the same "inadequate" feelings towards their roles as a mother. I know that I didn't make my mom's life easy. I'm thankful for the influence that my mom has been to me while growing up, and for what she continues to be for me every day. I know that I can always count on her to save the day, and, at the very least, just make me laugh. I'm also thankful for Jan. She raised one heck of a son, and I'm constantly telling Ryan that Lilly's manners and good qualities definitely came from his side of the family. Lilly and I are so lucky to have the moms and grandmas that we do.  

This Mother's Day didn't start out so well. After Lilly's party yesterday, I crashed. I was SOOOOO tired. For example, I got up at 1 AM to go potty, and I nearly fell back asleep on the toilet. When Lilly started calling for me at 6 AM, I figured Ryan would get up with her. After 20 minutes of waiting for him to go get her, I just decided to let him sleep in, and got up with Lilly. I'll admit, I was a bit bitter. Mostly just cranky from being so dang tired. Oh, and hungry! I was so focused on getting groceries for Lilly's party, I didn't bother stocking us up on food for the week, so we didn't even have eggs so that I could make breakfast. When Ryan came out of the bedroom, I was busy cleaning and getting ready for the next week, when he said "Come with me. I have something I want to show you. Lilly made you a video." He took me to the bedroom and showed me a video that he and Lilly have been making for the last couple of weeks. I went from being a cranky wife, to being a teary-eyed, thankful, happy mommy. It totally turned my spirits around. Mother's Day kicked into full gear after that, and I was gifted flowers, donuts (to which Lilly ate most of), lots of hugs and kisses from Ryan, a morning nap to make up for not getting to sleep in, and lots of "what can I get you?" comments from Ryan. My two loves teamed up to make me feel like one loved mommy. 

Flashback to my first Mother's Day, when Lilly was only 3 days old.

Lilly and I made hand print flower bouquets for all of our mommies. She enjoyed getting to paint with her hands in the nude.

I gave mom her Mother's Day gift yesterday. This face is priceless. 

Had to be there to understand why she wanted this little minion toy so much.  

Ryan had to run out to the car, and, despite the monsoon that was setting in and threatening to blow Lilly away, he took Lilly out to test out her new ladybug rain boots. The only way we could get her to put them on without crying was to tell her they were "puddle shoes" for splashing in water. She still walks like a robot with stiff legs, but they do the job. 

My Mother's Day gift from Ryan and Lilly. I can't stop watching it.