Grateful

Here's my deep, thoughtful post for the month. I'm sure you've all heard about the Connecticut shooting. I didn't hear about it until late last night, since we were gone all day. And since then, I can't stop thinking about it. I cried myself to sleep last night, thinking about all of the parents that were probably doing the same, if they could sleep at all. I'm so beyond sick of hearing about shootings like this. I'm a bit of a news junkie (when I get the chance to watch something other than kid shows), and almost every single day I hear about someone who shot someone else, and, heaven forbid, some lunatic went on a rampage in a last blaze of glory. All I can think about in the instances is how innocent lives were taken. These people probably had futures planned out, dreams to live, goals to reach, and now they won't. The little kids killed yesterday were only just beginning to grasp the joy that life can bring. They won't get to graduate from high school, go to college, fall in love, get married, have kids. Heck, most of them probably never even got to go to Disney Land.

 I usually joke about it with Ryan, but I am legitimately scared of going to movie theaters now. When we were at The Hobbit, I found myself thinking about it every time someone got up or every time I saw someone coming up the stairs. I don't feel safe in our society anymore. Feel free to laugh and call me a wuss, but do you really think any of the innocent victims of all these shootings expected to die during a routine trip to the mall or theater?

 When I got up with Lilly this morning at 5, it took me all of about 3.5 seconds of being upset that I had to interrupt my sleep, before I gave myself a mental slap in the face. I realized that there were a dozen parents getting up this morning to plan the funerals for their children. They no longer had the privilege that I was being given. I spent the 30 minutes of quiet, while feeding Lilly, thanking Heavenly Father for her. I can't imagine the unexplainable pain that those parents must be going through. Once I finished feeding her, I laid her on my chest and just sat and enjoyed the snuggles.

 It sickens me that our world is coming to this. That guns are just toys to some. That lives are garbage to be thrown away. That our kids have to fear going to school, or I, as an adult, have to fear going to the movie theater. I find myself wondering why on Earth normal citizens even need guns. Sure, it's part of the Constitution that we all enjoy each day, but times have changed. Our constitution was written 225 years ago, during war. The right to bear arms was normal, and, probably a necessary thing. But this is 2012. There is no need for people to be walking around with a gun strapped to them. People only have guns to protect themselves from other people with guns. I frequently watch the show The First 48. It's a real-life murder show, following homicide detectives as they solve murders. I have seen countless children, teens, and parents killed from a single bullet. Argue if you may.

 I just hope that this tragedy can be a catalyst for change. I also pray that people suffering from psychological problems will seek the help they need, instead of ruining lives. I don't know what else to say. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm grateful. For now, I'm just going to continuously be thankful for Lilly and the time that I get with her each day. And every time I give her a kiss, I do so knowing that there are now parents that can't kiss their children. I will love Lilly even more, just for them.