About Dang Time!

It finally happened! No, we didn't win the lottery. No, Lilly isn't walking. My motivation is back! I've been whining a lot to family lately about how, despite how happy I am right now, I feel a sense of emptiness. Throughout my pregnancy, I psyched myself up about working out and how I was going to jump right into it the second I got the okay from my doctor. When the time came, that motivation had already packed up and left long before. It was so unlike me to not have motivation to workout or eat right after having planned for it. Granted, the complete lack of time and energy that also came bundled up from the hospital were partly to blame, but deep down, I had no desire to better myself. It was really making me feel like a bad person.

My post from last week, where I talked about how I woke up on the wrong side of the bed...well, the truth is that I was down about my weight. I have so many friends that have had babies lately, and they leave the hospital looking stick thin. You had a baby, really? Here I am, bigger than big, a whale, HUGE... I feel so ugly all the time. Lilly and Ryan deserve a mother and a wife that has even a scrap of self confidence. But how was I supposed to be the person they needed, when all I do is neglect myself, in an effort to take care of everyone else? Somehow I needed to find time for me.

After talking to my mom and dad, and getting completely different words of advice, it's like it just clicked on. Randomly, while Ryan was up and feeding Lilly last night at 2:30, I laid in bed thinking about it all. All of the sudden, I wanted to be better. I wanted to stop eating junk food, in fact, it had no appeal to me. I wanted to start incorporating working out into my daily routine. Hallelujah, that motivation moved back in!! Being the OCD queen that I am, it certainly helped that today was a Monday, which meant a fresh start at the beginning of the week, and a day of grocery shopping to get all of the healthy foods that I promised I'd start eating. Something about starting a diet on the first day of the week just makes it more successful for me. Ha, I'm crazy! I kept my promise to myself, and while Lilly took a very quick 25 minute nap, I was able to squeeze in 20 minutes on the elliptical. Perfect timing!

I've got the Fitness Pal app on my iPod, a fridge full of fruits and veggies, a big jug of water, and a very dusty elliptical...I think I may just be able to do this. Slowly, but surely.

Since I didn't dare take a picture of myself working out, here's a picture of Junie, watching the rain. I sure did love the weather today. Lilly seemed to sleep more, the house had a warm feeling about it, and the pitter-patter of rain rang on the roof. Yep, I'll take more days like today.