I wasn't really sure what to post about today, but when I sat down at the computer, it all made sense. I feel complete! I've been thinking back on the past few months and how truly sick I was. Just thinking about how badly I was stuck in my depression makes me cringe. I've come a long way...a very long way. I'm not perfect yet, but as I get better, so does my life. For the first time since getting married, I actually felt like a wife this past week whereas before I was just going through the motions and feeling useless because all I did was sit at home all day. Now I get up and take my husband to the train, I come home and spend time with our "children" while I get ready for work, after work I run errands, I come home and clean the apartment from head to toe, I make dinner, I pick up Ryan, we sit and enjoy dinner as a family, and then we both just do our respective hobbies for the rest of the night. My "hobby" tonight was cleaning. It feels so fulfilling to be able to classify myself as a hybrid of a stay-at-home wife and a working woman. I somehow manage to do it all in one day, and I feel so blessed. I even had time to make some cards yesterday. That was like the icing on top of my cake. I feel like I can take on the world....well, a very small chunk of the world. And for once, I'm finally taking care of Ryan. For a long time he was the one taking care of me. Sure, I was doing the cleaning and cooking, but he was going to work all day even though he knew his wife needed him at home; he knew that he needed to be strong for the both of us. He had a burden that one can't explain. He did everything he could to make me happy, and he even put up with my ups and downs (those happened very frequently throughout the day). I love my life now! I think I did before, but my eyes were cloudy. I was bogged down by everything that I thought I was expected to be, but now I realize that I just have to take one day at a time. Like I always say "Trust in the LORD'S timing..." not my own.
My favorite part of the day is when I just get to sit in bed at night and cuddle with Ryan; knowing that my day was full and productive. It's a small thing, but you have no idea how much it can complete a person until that sense is gone. I think my sense is starting to heal. It feels great. I can't wait for all of the plans that we have going right now. I finally feel like I'm ready to face those plans. Before they terrified me. Now they uplift me. :D
I feel like I'm rambling at this point. Sorry if that was all a blur of emotions, but it sure did make me feel better.
And of course, I had to complete this post with a picture of me napping with a cat. Junie is my favorite nap buddy now.
(Day 62)
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