Dermatillomania

For my non-medical friends, you may be thinking to yourself "dermatillowhaty?". I have diagnosed what my issue is with picking at my arms. It's a condition called Dermatillomania AKA skin picking AKA CSP (compulsive skin picking). Last night Ryan and I fell asleep in each others arms, but it didn't last long. I was anxious for some reason, and stayed up for a while picking at my arms. I decided to do a little research while I was at it...hey, I was up anyway. I found an article that explains the condition perfectly. Everything it said about the thought process of the picker and the feelings related were spot-on. Here's a blurb from the article. I'm hoping that someone out there can understand this issue as being more than just an annoying habit....

People who display habitual skin picking do it for the following reasons:

"Self-Soothing: When stressed, many people feel a need for self-soothing and find they feel better when they pick. Skin picking has a kind of soothing effect on their nervous systems, and reduces levels of stimulation.
Stimulation: On the other hand, when people are bored or inactive, skin-picking may provide a needed level of stimulation for the nervous system. It may help keep a person alert or awake when they would otherwise become bored or distracted.
Perfectionism: Skin-pickers may stand for hours in front of mirrors closely examining their faces or other body areas for the tiniest irregularity and then try to fix it, in hopes of achieving a perfect complexion. Paradoxically, the skin-pickers always end up looking much worse in spite of their efforts, as a result of the damage that they do to themselves in pursuit of relentless perfectionism."

Again, spot-on! The other night I was trying to explain to Ryan why I did it. All I could come up with was that for some strange reason, picking at my arm felt good and was almost a release for me. When I rub my hand down my arms and feel the bumps and scabs, it makes me realize that there are imperfections on my skin that need to be removed. It's hard to explain, but when I get picking, I can't stop. But I knew I had OCD and the article also said that 40% of people with OCD exhibit some level of skin picking, so I wasn't surprised. Hopefully I can find a solution that works for me because it really does make me so self-conscious. When I was in the hospital last, the nurse asked me if I did drugs because the picking made it look like I had needle marks all over. I'm ashamed of my skin. I'm ashamed of me.

I know that if I set my mind to it, I can overcome this. I just feel like I have so many issues to overcome.



(Day 69)