Grieving

It's only been 5 days since my surgery, and I've been riding a roller coaster of emotions. First is an emotion similar to how I felt after the adoption. I know it's dumb, but I feel sad that Lilly's not with me, that she's hitting milestones with someone else, and that she may be forgetting me. It doesn't help that the hospital where I had my surgery, was the same one that I had Easton at. The second emotion I've been dealing with is mourning. I've been struggling a lot with the new eating guidelines that my life is stuck to. My addiction to food has a grasp on my brain and stomach, more than I can control. It's making the healing process very difficult. As I sit in bed all day, I find myself missing Lilly and mourning food. NOT a good combo.

Thankfully, Ryan's parents brought Lilly over and left her for a few hours while they went and visited Ryan's sister. It was so nice to play with Lilly again. She's standing up on her own, drooling up a storm as she's getting in more teeth, and loved getting to share my dinner with me. When I say "dinner," I really mean "getting to share mommy's yogurt." She can officially eat more than me, and I'm probably going to have to buy more baby bowls and spoons, as Ryan keeps serving me my meals (cottage cheese or yogurt...BORING) in them. But, the good news is that it hasn't even been a week, and I've already lost 20 lbs. Hopefully I can keep the light at the end of the tunnel in mind, while I struggle to keep my thoughts of fatty foods at bay. In fact, I took out my frustrations on Pinterest. I swear, I pinned at least 20 recipes. It's making me want to live vicariously through others, so I'm thinking I'm going to start cooking a ton more, just to feed the people around me. Any complaints, family? 

I loved getting to put her to bed and cuddle her. I missed that SO much!