Balance

Good news! I think I've finally figured things out. There was a brief period over the past couple of weeks where I thought Lilly hated me. Haha! It's true! She screams all day when she's with me, but I send her off with one of the grandparents, and all they can talk about is how she slept all day and was an angel. Either she hates me or she loves me so much, she just doesn't want me to put her down. I've been messing around with her routine, feedings, and activities this week to see if I could get a different outcome. I'm pleased to say that I THINK I may have figured this little girl out. Our day goes something like this: 7:00 AM feeding, mommy attempts to get another hour of sleep, when that fails, mommy and baby move downstairs, mommy eats breakfast while baby flails in the bassinet, 10:00 feeding, Lilly plays/sleeps/flails some more while I work on the computer, if I have to run anywhere, now is the time....Lunch for mommy, lunch for Lilly, nap in the crib for Lilly, mommy cleans while baby gets upset that she's in her crib, mommy brings baby down for one more round of flailing about in the bassinet before it's dinner for both baby and mommy & daddy. (How I'm even able to manage making dinner, I don't know...) Once Ryan comes home, we eat and hold Lilly off until bath time at 7:30. Ryan gets the always-fun task of feeding her an 8:00 bottle and putting her to bed. Then it's 2 more hours of deep breaths and unwinding for mommy and daddy. After hitting the sack at around 10:30, Lilly plays the NOT-so-funny joke on daddy by waking up at 2:30 and screaming for him to feed her. Then we start the entire day over again. Fun, isn't it? And yes, I have the best husband ever. After trying to take on all of the night time feedings by myself, and slowly turning into the living dead from how tired I was, Ryan proposed a deal. Even though I was reluctant to agree, I couldn't deny that it sounded heavenly. The deal was that he would take any feedings up until 3 AM, since he has to get up for work. Anything after that was mine. Lilly must be conspiring against Ryan, because since that deal was made, she only gets up at 2:30 and 7:00 each morning. HA! I still feel guilty that Ryan's taking the first and hardest feeding of the day, but I can't express how helpful and sweet it is. I sure do love him!

Being a mom is hard. Well, let me rephrase, being ME is hard. I think I make it harder on myself than it needs to be. I could say "whatever" to all of the other daily tasks that I feel are important, and just lounge around all day with Lilly, but I work my tush off all day to keep things in order. I'm not even kidding when I say that I vacuum, do dishes, take out the trash, do laundry, etc, etc, EVERY SINGLE DAY!...sometimes several times a day. My house looks like I hire help on the side, and I'm proud to say it! I found myself laughing the other day because I was remembering how my biggest fear before Lilly came was that I was going to suffer from postpartum depression. Seeing as I was a wreck while pregnant, I couldn't imagine how hard it was going to be after the baby. I laughed because I haven't had a single second of depression since she's been here. It may be that I'm back on a high dose of anti-depressants, but I personally know myself well enough to know that it's the routine. She gets me up out of bed each day (sometimes willingly and sometimes it's like pulling teeth), and it makes me feel so accomplished and dependent when I can keep all 3 aspects of my life balanced (wife, mom, housekeeper). So I guess you could say I'm happy. Tired, but happy.

After dinner and another round of cleaning, I passed out on the couch. Power naps are becoming my thing...working out, NOT becoming my thing. Still trying to find energy for that.