So my initial thought was that my lightheadedness from yesterday was from heat exhaustion. Since I'm still suffering from the same, if not worse, symptoms, I'm assuming it's more than that. Perhaps my blood pressure? When I went into the doctor last week, I noted that my BP was higher than normal. Where my normal is 126/78, he measured 141/78. Well, I took it again tonight (on my sweet Hello Kitty blood pressure cuff), but my readings were all around normal. I did get one that was unusually low (110/68), but I shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling from those readings. I'm seriously just so beyond frustrated with my body. I loathe feeling sick all the time. Literally ALL THE TIME! I don't get any sympathy because my whining and whimpering annoys everyone around me, and most of the time I get the feeling they think I'm just faking it. I'M NOT! I just want to cry. Even as I sit here typing, my eyes are welling up with tears. Maybe I'm just being hormonal, but I just wish my issues didn't always have to center around my body.
On top of that, I am gaining a fear of sleeping in our bed. For the past few days, as we're sitting in bed reading our scriptures, I've looked down at my arm to find a huge centipede or earwig crawling up it. I try to stay calm as I say "Ryan! There is a bug on me." Secretly I want to scream and jump out of bed, but I know that won't get us anywhere...and would probably cause the bug to get lost on our bed. But I honestly can't take anymore of this. I don't know how to explain it other than to describe it as feeling violated. The bugs are everywhere! And they're bugs that I'm deathly afraid of.
I think I've just had a bad day today. Our Sunday school kids were mean to us, and that just sent me on a downward spiral. So I'm sorry if this post is annoying to anyone. But I've certainly proven that I'm a pro at complaining.
Good night for now. Hopefully we won't have anymore bed bugs tonight.
(Day 89)
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