Cuz You Had a Bad Day

Today hasn't been a good one for me, and it continues to get worse. I had such an amazing weekend, I think I was bound to crash today. I didn't get out of bed until 2. Like I've said before, once I'm up and out of bed, I can get my act together and feel normal. I just get so down on myself for most of the day. Around 1 or 2, when my high kicks in, that's when I'm most productive. I stay productive all night. I'm turning into a huge night person. I won't get to sleep until 1. I feel like my meds are helping with my depression, but I feel utterly and completely exhausted ALL the time. If I didn't know any better, I'd be sure I had Mono. There's just so many things about my life that we're unsure about right now: jobs, moving, school... It's making my anxiety so bad. I can honestly say that I'm sick of staying at home all day, doing nothing, but I still feel a fear towards finding work. I've applied to everything, but nothing is coming my way. Nanny's Notes feels like it's dead (that's my own fault), so that's just adding to the confusion.

Then, while we were on our way to the grocery store, I started to feel some pain in my back. It has continued to get worse and worse. I must have pinched a nerve in my back because my right leg keeps having shooting pains run down it. Continuing with the domino effect, I can't workout with how lousy I feel. I just feel down. To top everything off, to Ryan's amusement, I dropped a bag of chips on the floor and had to get down on my knees (with a very painful back) to pick them up. I think I should just get into bed and stay there.

I don't know what the point of this post is, other than to complain. Ryan's sick of hearing it, so I'm just going to vent to the abyss of the internet. But even though I'm going through a rough patch right now, I am feeling a lot happier than I was a month or two ago. I feel so blessed with how my life is going. I keep listening to my current favorite song by Rascal Flatts called "I Won't Let Go." To me, it literally describes my life. I'm struggling, to say the least, but Ryan is here by my side to help me through it all. I'm so thankful for him.

So here's to Ryan. The one who always wipes away my tears, holds me tight, helps me fight my fight, does all that he can do, and never lets go.

(Day 27)